YOUR PHYS. NEEDS ARE MY SPIRITUAL NEEDS and How to APOLOGIZE W/O OFFENDING! parshat Ki Tavo- Elul

YOUR PHYS. NEEDS ARE MY SPIRITUAL NEEDS and How to APOLOGIZE W/O OFFENDING! – Chodesh Elul

Many are familiar with the abbreviations of Elul: א’ני ל’דודי ו’דודי ל’י”” (I am for my Beloved and He is for me, Shir HaShirim 6, 3) and “ומל ה’ אלקיך) א’ת ל’בבך ו’את ל’בב (זרעך) )” (and G-d will circumcise your hearts and those of your children Dvarim 30, 6), which are both clearly connected to the Teshuva atmosphere of Elul.

But there is a seemingly less logical abbreviation given for Elul which apparently has no connection whatsoever! “א’יש ל’רעהו ו’מתנות ל’אביונים (ומשלוח מנות) (“sending food portions to your friend and gifts for the poor”). This seems more like a Purim joke than a serious roshei teivot, for that pasuk from Megilat Esther (9, 22) is referring to Purim and has nothing to do with Teshuva or Elul!

The answer apparently is in the classic quote of R. Yisrael Salanter that “my neighbor’s physical needs are my spiritual needs!”. When I serve a guest, give charity to help the poor eat or sleep, volunteer to help the handicapped, serve in the IDF or the like, I am helping someone else’s physical needs, but my spiritual gain is even more eternally significant.

The first 2 abbreviations for Elul focus on the mitzvot between man and G-d (which is where we usually focus), but the third quote from Megilat Esther reminds us that mitzvot between our fellow man are at least as important to remember this time of year, as we prepare for the High Holidays. In fact, Yom Kippur and SINCERE Teshuva easily erase mitzvot between man and G-d, but regarding mitzvot between Jews, that’s not enough unless we ask their forgiveness (Mishna Yoma 8, 9).

Unfortunately, this raises a common problem. Although l’chatchila, one must specify exactly what he did in order to truly apologize properly, nevertheless, if the apology itself will offend, than you shouldn’t (Mishna Brura 606, 3). On the other hand, you must apologize!

Thank G-d, we Jews have Yom Kippur, a time where everyone is conciliating and apologizing to everyone. R. Yisrael Salanter suggests, this is the ideal situation when you can sincerely ask for forgiveness (“If I did anything wrong”) without going into detail, just like he probably goes and apologizes to many people, whether he offended them or not. Consequently, he will whole-heartedly forgive you, without your offending him. Ketiva vaChatima Tova!