Why the classic mussar works can feel crushing — and why Rav Kook’s are often the gentler door in.
Q. Hi Rabbi, I hope you are having a wonderful day! One of the things that I keep wrestling with is how to study heavy works of Mussar — ones that are very intense. Some examples include Duties of the Heart by Rabbeinu Bachya ibn Pekudah, Lessons in Tanya, Chofetz Chaim on Shmirat Halashon, Orchot Tzadikim, and The Gates of Repentance by Rabbeinu Yonah of Gerona. What bothers me is that either I come across an expectation that seems unrealistic (i.e. the level of Beinoni described in the Tanya) or there’s a harsh example of what happens to an evil person (i.e. the gnat — a creature that sucks but does not give — example in Tanya, when one sins they are lower than the gnat), or it talks about the aspirations of a Jew to be united with the Creator, but that seems very far when reading these books, or that one faces their own evil inclination which sees Holiness as utterly repulsive. To simplify, how do I keep studying Mussar despite their intensity, and how can I apply at least some of what I read? (And how to apply what I have learned bothers me the most.) Thank you.
The challenge which you raise is a common one in modern western society, where democracy raises us to feel good about ourselves, and appreciate the unique value of every person, including myself. This is the approach of “Gadlut HaAdam”, the greatness of man and our G-dly potential which was stressed by the Slabodka Yeshiva (yet even there, often people would get depressed…). Rav Kook already relates to this in his classic works written only about a century ago — Mussar Avicha, Midot HaReiya and Mussar HaKodesh — where many find it easier to connect because it’s more ideological and less critical.
That being said, part of maturity is to understand criticism, and that particularly the people who love us the most — our parents and spouse — criticize us the most, out of care and help. I recall that in high school we disliked Mesilat Yesharim, the classic mussar work, but upon coming to yeshiva gevoha at 18, I understood why people enjoy it so much. Someone with self-confidence should not feel threatened by criticism, but use it as an opportunity to grow in that which I particularly need to improve. In order to get the most out of life, it’s worth it to study objective books and then apply them subjectively to yourself. All the best!