Q. Hi Rav Shvat… I just am struggling because my parents ‘love’ Israel but are comfortable overseas and want me to be with them. I have a stronger love for Israel/zionist/will live through a war in Israel view and it is hard to explain to them how I feel towards Israel and also respect them and how they feel. They ‘get it’ but they tell me it’s best to come back in case it worsens or even the current state of war as it is, is bad enough for them. Answer: Shalom! It’s a good and natural sign that your parents love you and want you safe and near them. Otherwise it would be a problem! Nevertheless, it’s logical (and also halachically sound) that at some age (usually around your age), the child already knows, better than his parents, what’s best for him. This is usually difficult for parents to accept, even if their child is 60 years old! Honoring our parents is really important and that’s why it’s even in the Ten Commandments, but that’s regarding their needs, e.g. going to the grocery for them, making them a cup of coffee, and not regarding your life or ideological decisions (Resp. Maharik 166-7; Shulchan Aruch YD 240, 25)
Moreover, experience shows that idealistic and Zionist children almost always received at least part of this davka from their parents, for which you should respect and sincerely thank them. You may try explaining to them that you actually took the education they gave you even more seriously than they took themselves, e.g. they taught you to love Israel, but you actually made Aliyah. Accordingly, they should davka be proud of you, that you choose to live by the ideals with which they raised you! Love and loyalty are also very important middot to which they surely educated you as well, and accordingly, we should not come to Israel just when we need her, but also when she needs us! The guys who are unfortunately sometimes giving their lives now in Gaza to free the hostages and fight Hamas, are your age. If Eretz Yisrael is worth them dying for, Kal VaChomer it’s worth you living for (where BH, you really are not in any danger)! In short, davka your staying and helping out in Israel is a reflection of your love and respect for parents and their ideals, and I have no doubt that, even if they’re a little worried, they are proud of you! With Love of Israel, Rav Ari Shvat (Chwat)